Stay! Or don't...

For fresh fruit, go to mattipaasio.com

27.4.2013

Pork Chops to Syria: with Love, @carlbildt




“Beware the Zombie Marxists” is easy to say, but how do you do it, if you don’t know who they are?


This content is unavailable due to being published exlusively elsewhere:



Link to the image.






That's right. The widespread belief among the Finnish Natives that they are a certain species of fish has to do with their war against Russia.

Anything else?





The first and foremost characteristic of a Zombie Marxist is an irrational opposition to everything and anything that comes with the label “made in the US.” Be it an idea, a policy, or a sandwich.


Obit, pt 3 - The Siege of Dubrovnik


I was slightly disappointed. How come such a low number of civilian casualties? I asked the skinny guy who ran the place, how long the siege had lasted. For six months, he replied. No too long, comparing... At that point, I knew nothing of the slaughter of Vukovar, which had taken place at the same time, and been thrown out of the international limelight by the Siege of Dubrovnik, where old buildings went to die. No disrespect to the loss of human lives there either. I'm just bickering about the media, as Finns always do, ad nauseam. We don't talk, and when we do, it's just bitching about not talking.


Qatar in the Old Town

On tv, the JNA soldiers fired at the vessels in the Old Town harbor. They had grown tired of destroying old houses. They understood the value of those boats.

My father gave advice to the keeper of the museum, who resembled Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, now that I think about it. He was obviously agitated by all the unexpected attention, just waiting for us to leave. Father had none of it. He said the museum should be relocated to the city center. The war was an essential part of Croatia's history. It was vital for a nation to remember. The guy was nodding out standing up.  He open his mouth, and out came syllables of transportation, some developments about to happen. I guess he meant the cable car. We would have never taken it, even if it had worked. Dad was lobbying for bus lines. They worked very poorly at the moment. Very poorly.

"Were they Serbs?" my father had asked an old lady in the Old Town, about the soldiers firing down to the city.

The lady changed the subject, fast.

And Dad... now that you mentioned, most of them were from Montenegro.

Honest! They were!

[Will continue...]

20.4.2013

Obit, pt 2


Pt 1 here

 There was no cafeteria at the top, no kiosk or ice cream trolley, not even a stand selling fresh orange juice. We had found one behind every turn of the Old Town wall, and declined politely, every time. There had been plenty of water to go around during that trip. Now we were running out. We were exhausted, thirsty and grumpy.

Two portable toilets stood guard in front of the fortress. Inside, there were weapons and images from the "Homeland War" 1991 - 1992. We were the first visitors that day. Thursday, the day before, had seen in total two visitors - a couple from Sweden. The walls showed signs of mildew, there was water on the floor. One does not encourage discussions about the past, said a magazine Mother had lifted from the plane. And it certainly seemed so.

There was video footage from the Siege. The attacking troops took their positions on the mountains, and then chose their targets as if the city were a smorgasbord.

Down below, the Old Town, a jewel between the mountain an the glimmering sea, was in fact begging for mortar and artillery fire in the aggressors' eyes. Damn, the JNA only needed to drop something heavy, and in all likelihood the object would find its way into the city, causing considerable damage along the way.

Very little of the information was in English. I tried to make sense of the posters in the native tongue. I took notes that might as well been in Croatian, that's how much they tell me of what I learned in the summer of 2010.



                                                          Oct ’92 [More like ’91, in fact]

Bosanka                 Pile
10.15                   9
12                      11.35

                        Oct 1st 91 –
                6 months
                                11 000

BH war          24 – 28.4.92    1.5.    Neretva Valley
è D     5 300 cr

180 †           (c 22   <18 15)
600 w

more than 26 000
        refugees / displaced persons


Drawing by the daughter, next to the notes above

And so on. I made the same mistake as always: not doing my homework on schedule. Years earlier, I had visited Budapest and Prague just as poorly prepared. And this was far more important. This took place in our time.

To cover the catastrophic consequences of their own incompetence in the region, a borderline war crime as it stands - helping the Serbs in spreading their terror -  the United Nations had to treat the Balkan crisis as a Civil War, not a Serb aggression. Hence the imperative for the ICTY to dole out sentences "equally" between the ethnic groups. Hence the outrage of Russophiles like Jussi Konttinen from Helsingin Sanomat, directed at the U.S. for allegedly extorting the court into acquitting Ante Gotovina. Shame on them, they say, and roll to their backs in front of their True Master. Panting... and they're right. About the shame part, at least.

All of us Europeans should hang our heads in disgust of what we allowed to happen 1991 - 1995. And hang ourselves for making up excuses for our cynicism, then and now.

[To be continued...]


15.4.2013

This Country Is Going So Far to the East... Obit




¡Exterminate All the Brutes!



I've been in the grip of a blinding, impotent rage ever since Sunday morning, 14 April 2013, when I read a lengthy piece of propaganda in the Most Serious Paper in Finland, Helsingin Sanomat. It was a true work of art, pictures and all, in the highest level of bullshit that only the great masters like Noam Chomsky or Michel Chossudovsky are able to reach. And it was in the Pravda, so it had to be true. Many folks outside of Finland don't understand the triangle of Business, Police and Press that practically every citizen in this country bows to. Anyway, more of that later... for now, it's enough to say that HS, or Horse Shit, is where most of my fellow countrymen get their daily dosage of hatred, and indeed, I got mine as well. For years to come.


To misquote Hunter S. Thompson misquoting John Mitchell, "This country is going so far to the East you won't be able to recognize it."





The only way to face up to the Monster is to act, to do something, however small, to overcome the apathy this leech of mastodon proportions spreads like the foul breath a sewer. So I'm gonna insert here an English translation of a self-published short memoir written last year, titled very appropriately...



Raining Lies


... when the dark ghosts of Knin began to wail, almost all Croats and Serbs responded
to this call to arms. The lure of Knin proved fatal for both nations.



That quote is from Misha Glenny's book The Fall of Yugoslavia. It hasn't been translated into either of the local dialects, and the aforementioned bogeymen have nothing to do with the following story, which has come to haunt me from two years back.

Knin is situated in the Krajina, as some of the more enlightened readers might know. That's all there is to it, alas, and I don't recommend anybody starting digging for more info on their own. The case is closed, period. If you add the name of the region to the word "massacre" and conduct a search, you'll put your soul at risk. You'll lose your last shred of faith in the human race, encounter the living dead: true delegates of the Western civilization. And these guys, may I add, are real.

The notes below deal with a cable car connection, or the lack of it, which isn't current any more. The lack, that is. Current... I mean... The entry is outdated, in short: it has no relevant subject matter whatsoever. I extend my apologies for the damage done to the Academy, the City, the Parents and the...

Colleagues?

Consider this an obituary of a nation.

We are not needed any more. It's over. The Finn's Party is famished, therefore it is finished. The Golden Calf is dying - it is possible that we are finally allowed to go free.

Is it?

~

Srđ begins its ascend at the foot of the city walls, inside the walls, really, for the Northern part of the Old Town is built on a ridge. The mountain climbs up, almost straight up in places, to 412 meters. There's an impressive cross at the top, a decaying fortress dating back to the glory days of Napoleon, and the final stop of a cable car line. The car isn't in use yet.  We followed the test runs from below. The car moved eventually, proceeded, as if feeling ill, for some 20 meters, and stopped. It didn't move again for as long as we watched.

We heard that at the opening, reopening to be exact (the cable had been destroyed in the war and was at last being renovated), of the cable car line, the restaurant at the top would be all set up as well. How nice, we said. But we had no time to wait. This was our last day in town. Tomorrow we'd fly back home.

Our entourage consisted of my father, mother, my daughter and me. We took a minibus to the nearest village. It was a 1,5 kilometer hike to the top of the mountain from there. The landscape reminded us of Lapland - however, there were differences.  A flower like bird rape bloomed everywhere, the Sun held us in its spotlight, and the temperature was in the thirties of Celsius. 



A Balkan game: How many Serb-dominated towns can you attach to the word "siege"?

As in the siege of Sarajevo, Vukovar, Dubrovnik?



Continued... here.

"The attacking troops took their positions on the mountains, and then chose their targets as if the city were a smorgasbord.... 

"Damn, the JNA only needed to drop something heavy, and in all likelihood the object would find its way into the city, causing considerable damage along the way."








6.4.2013

Nada más




M ja N puhuvat toistensa ohi.

M and N speak to someone or something beyond their reach.


  • Älkää menkö siitä mistä aita on matalin.
Do not take the easiest way out.



  • Mitä?

Excuse.



  • Johtaja sano: “Aita, matalin.”

Boss said, “Easiest. Way - out - far. Not.”



  • Nada.



  • Mun pitää muistaa muistuttaa.

I must remind those fuckers.



  • Pues nada. Sitten nada. Lisää nadaa, ja lopulta nada.

Then, nada. More nada. Eventually, nada. Couldn’t we just stop for a  while?
Voitaisko me vaan pysähtyä hetkeksi? Lopettaa?

  • Helpoin tie. Kolmas tie. The getaway car.

  • Mary, darling? Fuck your car.


...


Mistä vai mitä?


Mitä?



Eiku mistä vai missä, piti sanomani...



Nyt en kyllä ymmärrä yhtään, mistä puhut.



Aita on matalin. Pomo sano:



Aa. Nyt mä ymmärrän. Missä varmaankin. Missä, kiitos kun korjasit. Missä aita on matalin. Missä aita on matalin.



No missä?



Tässä, luulisin. Missä tahansa. Se sopii joka paikkaan. Siinä sen lauseen kauneus piileekin. Se on universaali se lause.



Johtajan lause.



Niin.



Kaunis lause.



Aivan.



Voitaisko me lopettaa?



Ei vielä.


  1. Just relax.
  2. Lay your head upon my lap. Not crotch, my lap.
  3. Like that. Good. Now, close your eyes.
  4. [Singing]
Oh, if I had a day
I didn’t have to think
or try and be so goddamn gay
Then, for sure, for very very certain
I’d give away
My soul that’s been sold
for my measly pay.




Nukkuu.
He’s asleep. How can someone sleep on a day like this?
Miten se voi saada unen päästä kiinni? Me kuollaan kohta. Mä kuolen kohta. Joku kuolee ainakin.
In a couple of hours hordes of dirty, vengeful, malnourished kids will tear us apart, eat us alive, literally.
Pari tuntia, ja likaiset, kostonhimoiset, nälkää näkevät lapsilaumat repii meidät kappaleiksi ja sananmukaisesti syö elävältä.
The event will be broadcast to millions and millions of spectators around the world. This is how Finland gave a boost to its economy and kept it running. The price: us, and the likes of us. Not a terrible sacrifice, if you look at the bigger picture.
Miljoonat katsojat ympäri maailman todistavat tapahtumaa. Näin Suomi sai piristysruiskeen ja pääsi taas kasvun tielle. Hinta oli halpa: me ja meikäläiset. Mä haluisin lähettää terveisiä äidille ja isälle, ennen kaikkea isälle, ja siskolleni Kaisalle... mulla menee hyvin. Älkää pelätkö.
Greetings for Mom and Dad, especially Dad, and my sister Katya. I'm doing fine. Stay strong.


Brasilia!



Huomenta, good morning. Sleep well?



En, mä näin unta. Had a bad dream. It wasn't a dream. Se oli totta.



Voi pikkusta. Poor thing.





Mitä pahaa mä oon tehny brasilialaisille?
What have I done to the Brazilians?




Sä oot juonu kahvia.




Ai niin.




You had your coffee every morning, every noon, every afternoon.



That’s right. Guilty as charged.





LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. WELCOME

TO THE OLYMPIC STADIUM OF HELSINKI,
DESIGNED BY...





Sweet Jesus.

Here we go.


YRJÖ LINDEGREN AND TOIVO JÄNTTI

FOR THE 1940 OLYMPICS,

WHICH WERE CANCELLED

DUE TO THE SECOND WORLD WAR.

HELSINKI, HOWEVER GOT A
SECOND CHANCE IN 1952,

AND SHOWED ITS EXCELLENCE

AS A HOST, STARTING A LONG SERIES

OF SPORTS EVENTS

FOR THE GREATEST ATHLETES

OF THE WORLD,

AS WELL AS LEADERS OF THE
SUPERPOWERS,

THE SOVIET UNION, AND,

LATER ON, RUSSIA.





Mitä helvettiä se höpisee?



Sano että Helsinki on palvellu hyvin Neuvostoliittoa ja Venäjää.




Vitut. Fuck me!


I won’t.




TERVETULOA MEIDÄNKIN PUOLESTAMME TÄNNE HELSINGIN OLYMPIASTADIONILLE,
JOSTA ULKOMAAN ELÄVÄ TUOSSA ÄSKEN KERTOI
VÄHÄN HISTORIALLISIA FAKTOJA.
MUTTA MEITÄ KIINNOSTAA NYKYPÄIVÄ:
TÄMÄ PÄIVÄ, JOKA ON SUURI PÄIVÄ
SEKÄ SUOMELLE ETTÄ KOKO
MAAILMALLE...


Tämä päivä on hyvä päivä. Se on sinun.

Mä haluan puhua johtajalle.


NÄIN USKALLAN SANOA.


Mitä?

I want to talk to the boss. I can't go there with you. You're nuts!

Mää hullu. Olenko?

Olet. Warden!


Off she went. Sinne meni.
We have assembled inside this ancient and insane theatre to propagate our lust for life and escape the swarming wisdom of the streets.
Olemme kokoontuneet tälle muinaiselle ja mielettömälle näyttämölle pakoon katujen kuhisevaa viisautta.
Fat chance. Sade Jom Kippur Morrison kippurassa viinakrampista.
Miksi se pitää mua hulluna johtuu viime mittelöstä puolivälierissä.


MARY! MARY! MARY! MARY!...




The reason she thinks I'm crazy, it was the last battle, at the quarterfinals. She watched the show. They made her watch it, on  purpose, I'm sure. Hän katsoi jakson. Hänet laitettiin katsomaan se, tarkoituksella. Lapset olivat Venäjältä. They were Russian children this time. I don't mean that it matters where they were from, just letting you know. All right. They came a-running, with forks in their hands, the smallest ones with spoons, and I kept avoiding them: running, stopping, turning, running, circling, stopping and turning...
Lapset hyökkäsi haarukat käsissään. Pienimmillä oli lusikat. Mä väistelin niitä: juoksin, pysähdyin, käännyin, juoksin, kiersin, kaarsin, pysähdyin taas alusta... kun yhtäkkiä yks villipeto tuli suoraan silmille. Mä en voinu enää väistää. Olin just jarruttanu. Ja samaan aikaan toinen iski haarukan pystyyn tonne munuaisten tienoille. Ei siinä ehtiny ajatella. Mä tartuin tätä naamallani roikkuvaa riiviötä mistä kiinni sain ja pyöräytin itteni ympäri, kaikin voimin, käytin sen jalkoja kuin nuijaa. Ja haarukka irtosi. Siinä ne makas, kasassa kuin kuolleet. Ja nyt tämä neiti kehtaa väittää, että se oli muka vastoin sääntöjä, liiallista voimankäyttöä tai muuta hevon vittua. Voisko joku muu kääntää, laitatte vaikka tekstit tähän kohtaan. Mä tiedän että se on vastoin Zuccottin sääntöjä, mutta aivan sama. Kun kerran on sääntöjä rikottu niin rikotaan sitten kunnolla samaan hintaan.


They don't do that, you know. Against their policy.


You're back. How did it go?


You have to do it yourself, translate.


What did they say?


Translate.



They didn't say that. You're a snitch. Did you know that?


Käännä.


Olet vasikka joka nuolee kanavapäälliköiden persettä. Tiedät kai sen?


Kiitos. Mutta mä en tarkottanu sitä. Käännä se aiempi.


Ai nytkö sä annat jo ohjeita? Sinäkö päätät mitä mä sanon?


Käännä.


A kid jumped me. Had no time to duck or whatever. At the same time, another one stuck a fork in my kidneys. So, I used the first one as a club against the second. Problem solved. Two problems, as a matter of fact.


In direct violation of the rules.


Fuck the rules already.


I'd consider that as an admission of guilt.


I'd consider you an idiot.


That's slander. I'm gonna report you.


Report all you like. You still can't call today off.
Hän aikoo antaa mut ilmi kunnianloukkauksesta tai herjauksesta, mitä näitä nyt on. Mutta ei silti saa lykättyä tänpäivästä tuonnemmaks.

Katotaan.

Katotaan. Vittu mikä kusipää sä oot.



... AND I JUST RECEIVED A PIECE OF INFORMATION,
AND IT HAS BEEN CONFIRMED,
SO THIS IS NO RUMOR.


SAIMME JUURIN TIEDON,

JOKA ON KYETTY VAHVISTAMAAN,

KYSEESSÄ EI SIIS OLE HUHU.

RUOTSIN ULKOMINISTERI CARL BILDT

ON ILMOITTANUT EROAVANSA

TEHTÄVISTÄÄN,

MIKÄLI PUOLIVÄLIERIÄ EI PERUTA.


THE FOREIGN MINISTER OF SWEDEN,
MR CARL BILDT,
HAS ANNOUNCED HIS RESIGNATION
UNLESS THE SEMIFINAL IS CALLED OFF.

HÄN KUTSUU TAPAHTUMAA “HÄPEÄLLISEKSI,
POHJOLAN HÄRKÄTAISTELUKSI” JA VAATII,
ETTÄ AINAKIN LAPSET SÄÄSTETÄÄN,
OLI LOPPUTULOS MIKÄ HYVÄNSÄ.
MUUSSA TAPAUKSESSA, HÄN SANOO,
RUOTSIN TÄYTYY HARKITA OMIA TOIMENPITEITÄÄN
SUOMEA KOHTAAN. NÄIN ME MENETELTIIN
KROAATTIENKI KANSSA, BILDT LISÄSI.

HE DEEMS THE EVENT “SHAMEFUL,
A NORDIC BULLFIGHT,” AND INSISTS
ON SPARING THE CHILDREN,
NO MATTER WHAT THE OUTCOME IS.
OR ELSE, HE SAYS,
SWEDEN MUST CONSIDER A COURSE
OF ITS OWN WHEN IT COMES TO FIN LAND.
IT WORKED WITH THE CROATS,
AT LEAST, MR BILDT ADDED,
AND REFUSED TO ELABORATE ANY FURTHER
ON THE ACTIONS THAT SWEDEN WOULD TAKE.


SUOMEN ULKOMINISTERI...


THE FOREIGN MINISTER OF FINLAND...


ERKKI TUOMIOJA...


ERKKI TUOMIOJA...


ON ANTANUT AIHEESTA LAUSUNNON.


HAS GIVEN A STATEMENT ON THE ISSUE.


...


WELL? WHAT DID HE SAY?

EXCUSE ME?


WHAT DID TUOMIOJA SAY?


SAID IT ALREADY. 
THAT, JUST THAT.
HE GAVE A STATEMENT.
OH... OKAY, THEN.


ULKOMAAN PELLE HALUS TIETÄÄ, MITÄ TUOMIOJA SANO.
MÄHÄN SANOIN JO!
ANTO LAUSUNNON. ONKSE VÄHÄN TYHMÄ?



Meitä ei hurrit määrää.


Eikö?


The Swedish clowns ain't gonna intimidate us.



We'll see.



...


We'll see.


Jos uhkailee erolla, suuren enemmistön pitäis mun ymmärtääkseni toivoa, että sä pysyt virassa. Mutta mitäs minä ymmärrän.



They are NOT talking.
He's
DRIVing.